Four months into retirement Basil has discovered a whole new technological landscape, and I’m paying for it.
Now that he has time on his hands (wasn’t this supposed to be temporary retirement???), he’s figured a few things out.
For example, I no longer have to stand over him and point to where he needs to move the cursor to complete tasks on Facebook.
The mailman is delivering packages purchased on Groupon.com, and I’m a little worried he may be creating a new obsession, like that of a longtime friend and former coworker who coped with insomnia by purchasing infomercial goods.
Just this past week, he discovered Pandora, and sat across from me for at least an hour yelling over the music flowing through his headphones about how great it is. Later, he gleefully reported playing it through the speakers in the car while running errands.
Great. Just great.
Surely, I need to assign more errands.
But his biggest tech accomplishments may be that he has created a Twitter account.
At the moment I am his only follower. He has not Tweeted because he cannot figure out how.
Just yesterday, as I sat typing a slew of emails for work, he stood over me and asked, “How do I Twitter?”
Folks, I’m throwing myself on your mercy. Months ago, many of you offered to take him off my hands for an afternoon. Few of you followed through.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. I have a sign-up sheet available. You can borrow him, library book style, by the hour or the day. Message me to reserve your spot.
Or, at the very least, for the love of God, Tweet to him.