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Adoption

This category contains 53 posts

Can We Talk? Adoptees are Missing from the Conversation Around Adoption

The reporter’s query called to me. Wedged between a Huffington Post come-on for “Boozy Coffee Cocktail Recipes for the Holidays” and Anonymous’ assignment for “Restaurants on Farms,” it was like a beacon in this morning’s HARO newsletter: “Things Adoptive Parents Think You Should Know About the Process.” Curious to know more, I clicked for the … Continue reading

In search of my better life

One of the arguments proponents of adoption often raise is that it gives adoptees a better life. Better than what? And who’s to know?  Ask a non-adopted person to discuss adoption and they’ll probably tell you it’s a chance to give a child a better life. Maybe, and maybe not. One thing that’s certain adoptees … Continue reading

#BeingAdoptedMeans

Different. Incomplete. Alone. Angry. Confused. These are just a few ways adoptees are describing themselves on social media lately as National Adoption Awareness Month looms in just a couple of weeks. And as part of the ongoing effort by adopted people to #flipthescript on the whitewashed adoption dialogue we’ve been fed all our lives, adoptees … Continue reading

The hardest thing I ever did

My colleague, Jackie, shared her life story recently. As is true for so many of us, it is a journey punctuated in equal measure by happy surprises and huge disappointments, false starts and clear sailing, personal setbacks and awesome achievements. Time and again, she was able to reinvent herself, to grow as a result of … Continue reading

Getting to the heart of adoptee grief

If you’re adopted, people are forever telling you how to feel: Be grateful. Don’t be one of those angry adoptees. Stop questioning things and move on already. The truth is that for many of us, being adopted means forever navigating a roller coaster of emotions, none of which cancel out other feelings. It is, as … Continue reading

Let’s finally close the door on closed adoption

Adoptees like me who were relinquished during the era of closed adoption have a hard time explaining to others why the arrangement shouldn’t be glorified. Getting people to understand that the Pollyanna narrative around the arrangement is based on flawed assumptions and that growing up not knowing our true selves has caused emotional harm is … Continue reading

NY: Let’s finally get on board with adoptee rights reform

Editor’s note: Adoptees like me born during the era of closed records are effectively in a kind of witness protection program. We are typically not allowed access to our original birth certificates but instead get amended birth certificates, which list our adoptive names and the names of our adoptive parents. It is against the law … Continue reading

Think you know how it feels to be adopted? You’re probably wrong.

An acquaintance who knows I’m adopted — I’ll call her Sue — took time after one of my exercise classes last week to tell me about her boss, an adoptee who found her half-sister after doing DNA testing. Sue’s boss had flown from Connecticut to Seattle so the siblings could meet. It had been a good visit, … Continue reading

The 1 Question Adoptees Can Never Truly Answer (And Why They Keep Asking It)

Editor’s note: This is one in a series of posts for National Adoption Awareness Month that seeks to #FlipTheScript on the adoption narrative. If you’re also an adoptee, I invite you to add to the conversation in the comments below. Rob is the adoptive father of a grown son and daughter and a friend with … Continue reading

Let’s Stop Making Adoptees Ask Permission to Know Who They Are

Editor’s note: It’s National Adoption Awareness Month (NAAM). How will you #FlipTheScript? I first spoke with Steve, a 53-year-old New Jersey adoptee, in February, soon after he received his original birth certificate thanks to a change in state law in New Jersey. * He’d just found his birth mother and was bubbling over with excitement. … Continue reading