Pushing on a Rope
Adoption
Think you know how it feels to be adopted? You’re probably wrong.
An acquaintance who knows I’m adopted — I’ll call her Sue — took time after one of my exercise classes last week to tell me about her boss, an adoptee who found her half-sister after doing DNA testing. Sue’s boss had flown from Connecticut to Seattle so the siblings could meet. It had been a good visit, … Continue reading
The 1 Question Adoptees Can Never Truly Answer (And Why They Keep Asking It)
Editor’s note: This is one in a series of posts for National Adoption Awareness Month that seeks to #FlipTheScript on the adoption narrative. If you’re also an adoptee, I invite you to add to the conversation in the comments below. Rob is the adoptive father of a grown son and daughter and a friend with … Continue reading
Let’s Stop Making Adoptees Ask Permission to Know Who They Are
Editor’s note: It’s National Adoption Awareness Month (NAAM). How will you #FlipTheScript? I first spoke with Steve, a 53-year-old New Jersey adoptee, in February, soon after he received his original birth certificate thanks to a change in state law in New Jersey. * He’d just found his birth mother and was bubbling over with excitement. … Continue reading
15 Things You Should Never Say to an Adoptee
If you’re adopted, you’ve likely heard many of the comments below. (I even heard three of ones on this list from members of my biological family early in my reunion with them.) And if you’re not adopted, you may have uttered some of these chestnuts thinking you were being thoughtful and empathetic. Trust me, you … Continue reading
The searching adoptee’s lament: ‘I wasn’t whole. I didn’t belong. I needed to know’
Here in National Adoption Awareness Month, adoptees like me continue to #FlipTheScript on the dialogue around adoption, finally putting emphasis on how adoptees feel instead of letting everyone else drive the greater conversation around adoption. Last week’s post considered the notion of adoptee as “lucky.” This post looks at a theme I explore in the book I’m writing … Continue reading
Yes, I’m adopted. Please spare me the L word
It’s National Adoption Awareness Month — the time when I and other adoptees work even harder then usual to dispel all the myths and misconceptions around what it’s like to be adopted. For reasons I’ll never understand, non-adopted people seem to feel they have license to weigh in on the adoptee experience. In my 52 years, … Continue reading
For adoptees, life as an inconvenient truth
Sandee sobs as she tells me her story. Adopted as an infant, the now 51-year-old flight attendant from Florida struggled for most of her life trying to make peace with being adopted and figure out her place in the world. She’s always felt like a fish out of water, but never before has she felt … Continue reading
A prescription for change: Why it’s time adoption laws reflected reality
For the first time in recent months, I was able to go to the doctor and provide family medical history to the physician rather than scrawl “adopted, no family history” across the page. If you’re not adopted, you may not understand how important this is, not only as it relates to my medical care, but … Continue reading
Why We Need to Give Voice to the Adoptee Experience
November is National Adoption Month, and adoptees use the opportunity to #flipthescript on the pro-adoption narrative so ingrained in society by sharing their experiences and viewpoints. Here’s what I’m doing to #flipthescript: When I tell people I’m a twice-reunited adoptee writing a book based on interviews about what it means to be adopted, they often ask questions … Continue reading
Another year of wedded bliss
Give this guy a medal. For 23 years Basil has managed to stay married to me. It’s no picnic as those who know me can attest. I’m sarcastic, relentless … and have particular rules for things like how towels are folded. Yet, I’ve not managed to run him off yet. He’s the best possible partner, whether it’s … Continue reading
Pushing on a Rope 