As I dragged my sweaty, exhausted self in from teaching Jazzercise just now, Basil greeted me so excited I thought maybe he’d gotten a big buyout from work, won the Publisher’s Clearinghouse sweepstakes, found a third ’60s rocker’s photo in one of the boxes in the garage, or bought another new lawn-care thingamawhoozy.
“You’ve got to see this! Come here!” he said before I could put my bag down or peel my socks off. “I’m so excited I’m tripping the light fantastic.”
(He actually said that.)
And then he held up a plain white envelope on which was scrawled: “9/10, Basil, 1st Qtr, $50.00.”
I could see the $50 bill inside, but was confused.
“This has never happened before! See what it is?” he said.
Me: Blank stare.
Then: “Where did you get $50?”
Basil: “Are you stupid? LOOOK” (shoving the envelope closer to my face, as thought it would make me understand).
I was a little surprised — not that he thought I might be stupid (hell, I figured THAT), but that he actually SAID so.
We went back and forth like this for a while.
Me: Blank stare.
Him: Shoving envelope closer while he tried to avoid hopping up and down like an 8-year-old who just spied the ice-cream truck.
I’m not big on guessing games to begin with, hate anything with numbers and frankly, you need to talk to me when my sweat-soaked clothes are not plastered to me.
Plus, I’m not real bright, but even I know this is not the first quarter of the fiscal year. It just didn’t compute.
Turns out he won a football pool for the first time ever.
He is very psyched.
And gave me the money, even though he won it fair and square.
I took it.
I might be a dim bulb when it comes to figuring out where the cash came from, but I sure as hell know how to spend it.